A note

Dear Blog Readers,
You'll notice that I haven't written a blog in a while. The truth of the matter is that between this and Facebook, I'm getting awfully tired of monologues. I much prefer dialogs. Is the current "social networking" technology such that we don't talk to each other anymore? We just all post things about ourselves in separate spheres, and then "cyber stalk" all our friends?  At this point, I'm done with that.

I hope that I will come up with another use for this blog in the future. I feel that blogs are successful if they inform the world about something greater than ourselves.  A cooking blog.  A blog about economics. Etc. But, if you want to know how I'm doing or what I'm up to, please call or e-mail. I would love to hear from you.

Elka Delos

My dad would've been psyched.

We went boating this morning, and around the time that we turned around and were heading up the Town River towards our dock, Jim saw that a big ocean liner was creeping slowly into the Town River, to dock on the other side of the Fore River Bridge.

When boating with my dad, he always kept a look-out for ships, freighters and other large boats coming in. You didn't see them that often ... at least, not around Buffalo. There were lots in the St. Lawrence River when we vacationed there one summer. But when we did see one, Dad motored the boat right there so we could watch it come in. I always was interested in finding out where the ship was coming from. We saw many diverse ships when we were in the St. Lawrence - that's not surprising. I remember Dad driving around one particular ship, I think it may have been from Russia, and we were waving at the crew.

So today, we watched the Elka Delos get pulled into the Town River.

It took a pretty long time, and there were several police boats all around it.  At the same time that the boat was coming in, there was also some sort of random regatta heading the other way on the Town River - a bunch of random, large boats all in single file. So it was a bit chaotic on the river and we were listening to the Weymouth Harbormaster on our radio, who was trying to deal with the regatta and make sure they didn't disrupt the ocean liner's path.

Ultimately, they had to raise the Fore River Bridge, and it was pulled into the River by two large tug boats.

The Elka Delos was flying a Greek flag and was from Piraeus, Greece.

I suppose that doesn't necessarily mean that the boat is actually coming from Greece - I know now that this is just where the boat is registered. But I like to think that it has made the big trip from Greece, just to come here, to little old Quincy, MA. :)

Ice cream and marital harmony

Our ice cream maker broke. We discovered this as we were about to pour in the batter for strawberry ice cream. It wouldn't turn on, and the frozen canister wouldn't fit in the machine. I vaguely recall that the last time I made ice cream, the batter overflowed everywhere and I had to hose off the machine. Jim told me at the time that I had probably killed the machine, since you're not supposed to get it wet. That doesn't explain why the canister doesn't fit, but it does explain the electrical problems. It is 11 years old - a gift from Jim's aunt at our wedding shower. With it, she enclosed a little article about a couple who, whenever they had an argument, would make ice cream as a way to make peace. I kept the little card she enclosed with the ice cream maker - it says "best wishes for a 'sweet, smooth' marriage!"

Is this a bad omen that it broke?? :) No, just a sign that it's time to get another one. I wrapped up the batter, put it in the fridge, and am going to Crate and Barrel this afternoon to get a new one. They're having a sale on Cuisinart ice cream makers.

I don't make ice cream very often, but I always find it fun when I do. It used to be my routine that when I was off from law school, I would make batches of ice cream as a way to keep busy. But I haven't made any ice cream in probably year - probably about this time last year when strawberries were cheap.  I really should be more creative. Our friend has a cookbook with recipes for lavender-flavored ice cream, and other flavors that you can never get at the store. I need to figure those out. When growing my garden, I always strive to plant varieties of veggies that you'll never find at the store, because it makes it very interesting. The same should be true for ice cream.

Quincy

Saw this in the Boston Globe today. Some nice (if somewhat non-descript) photos of Quincy, with a little commentary.

http://www.boston.com/yourtown/quincy/gallery/WhydoyouloveQuincy/

Will photos always be immortal?

Last night, I finally sent Annie's "first year" picture book to the printers. From the computer screen, it looks beautiful. I hope it'll be as nice when I receive the actual thing.

I wonder how digital photography will withstand the test of time. It's such a different medium than anything we've had before. The big difference is that people aren't printing their photos very much anymore. Jim and I have a goal of printing out a "yearbook" every year - a bound book with all our photos from the year. It should be a much more efficient way to print out our photos. But I wonder how that will be later. What if we want to pull out one photo from an album to show someone? What if there's one photo that I take a liking to later, and want to print out a copy, or even an enlargement to frame? I guess I'm in luck if I can still find the digital file. But will we still keep all our digital files for years and years?

Think about it. How many old photo negatives do you have? (I actually have quite a few, including some from about 100 years ago, but that's another story). I worry that it will be burdensome to save all the files over time, because it's a technology, not a photograph that you can hold in your hand. Technology gets old. Will these files stand the test of time, or will we have to keep transferring them into the next technology, sort of like those old films and videos from our childhood? I keep meaning to get our wedding video transferred onto DVD, but it's such a hassle. Will that be the same for our digital photos?

I have photos from 130 years ago. They have lasted this long. Some of them are printed on tin and are thus pretty scratched. Most are faded, and I don't know who everyone is in all of them. But they made it. Sure, I've scanned in all those photos so they'll "survive" in the new medium too. It's much easier to share them that way too. But I wonder if in the end, those hard copy photos will outlast digital too. They've outlasted slides and video and every other technology.

I guess the answer is to be sure to print out those photos, even if it's just in book form. Embrace the new technology, but be a little wary of it too. And I'll probably keep a little photo album of a few hard-copy photos too, just my favorite ones, so that maybe someone else will be looking at them in 130 years.

One year ago...

One year ago, at lunchtime, began Annika's birth story. It's amazing how much can happen in 1 year. So let's see, a year ago this morning, Jim and I went to look at a day care in Marina Bay. Then Jim dropped me off at work. I was supposed to have a hearing at 3:30, the end of a very long, contentious asylum case. This hearing was the last one I accepted before my maternity leave - I had decided that April 15 would be the cut-off day. I would request a continuance for any hearing beyond that date.

I worked through the morning, and then stepped out to pick up a sandwich at my favorite sandwich shop, Cosi. They have one sandwich there that literally got me through my first trimester - it was one of the only things I could stomach. I was supposed to meet with my boss after lunch to discuss my maternity leave. Since I had announced my pregnancy, my boss had been telling me that they didn't know if they would be able to take me back after my maternity leave, but would try to keep me around until I had the baby. So this would've been an interesting discussion. I was not expecting Annie for another 5 weeks. My baby shower had been 1 week before, and gifts were strewn all over the room that would become Annie's room. Jim was putting the finishing touches on the cradle.

Coming back from lunch, I was crossing the street and a car was coming. The car stopped to let me pass, and as I stepped off the curb, somehow I lost my balance and fell into the street, right on my stomach. I stood up, brushed myself off, and realized that pregnant women aren't supposed to fall like that. In fact, I had been terrified of falling all winter, and had bought special clamps to attach to my winter boots, so I wouldn't slip on the ice. The gravity of the situation sort of came to me in slow-motion. I walked back to my office and called Jim, and then I called the doctor and they told me to come in right away for monitoring. I asked my boss to cover my hearing, and then I took the T to the hospital - it was two stops from where I worked. I still had my lunch in hand. I figured I could eat it at the hospital. I was wrong about that.

The monitoring that was supposed to only last 4 hours extended to 8 hours, then 12 hours. I was having contractions (although I couldn't feel them). Each time I was nearing the end of the monitoring period, Annie's heart rate would drop dramatically. The doctors also began to notice a pattern in which Annie's heart rate would drop during a contraction. They didn't know what was going on. They decided to admit me and have me spend the night. Here's a photo of Jim I took at the hospital, as I was being monitored:

It's so obvious from this photo that we had no idea that we would become parents the next day!

And that is what happened a year ago today. Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 of the story!

Coming back to the present, I've been sick this week, fighting a throat infection that has had a variety of uncomfortable symptoms. I started the antibiotics yesterday. I hope I'll be feeling somewhat like myself again by tomorrow, so that I can celebrate Annika's birthday. I'm really tired of lying on the couch, but there's not much else I can do. I'm glad we decided to keep a couch in our porch - it's so nice out there in the afternoon, with the sun and the sounds of the neighborhood all around. It's the perfect place for a cat nap, especially if a cat joins me for the nap! Let's hope for good weather and good health this week.

Freyda Siegel's tips for living a long life well.

http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/needham/2009/08/freydas_18_tips_for_living_a_l.html

It's not as easy as it sounds.

Fly Me Away

Lately, Jim and I have been addicted to this song:



It's "Fly Me Away" by Annie Little, and currently is the music for the commercial for the Kindle. We also like the commercial, but the song is very catchy.

A long life?

A long time ago, my dad told me that he would never want to live to be 90 years old. I think this was when my grandmother was 90 and was struggling with dementia. She was in a nursing home and was always confused and sad. Her quality of life had diminished greatly.

While I could understand why he said it, I always dismissed his statement, telling him that it would be great to live that long. Think about all the changes you get to see! Sometimes, you get to meet your great-grandchildren! You get to enjoy retirement! Go on lots of trips! Part of my excitement was that when you're 22, you can't imagine in any non-abstract way that someday your life is going to stop. There's just too much ahead and too much to look forward to.

I have revisited this issue many times. Dad's statement turned out to be prophetic, when he died at age 61.  It was with grief that I thought about how Dad would never live to be 90, never get to meet his grandchild(ren?) (let alone great-grandchildren), never get to enjoy retirement. Then, our neighbor died recently at age 95. She did actually get to meet her great-grandchildren. But she also lived through the death of her husband, all of her friends and, truly, her generation. She was blind and going deaf. In some ways, she was still happy - she retained her quick wit and her sense of humor. She lived in her own home, near her daughter, and saw her nearly everyday. But I think she was still sad and lonely. 

So I return to the question. I suppose it's somewhat insignificant to wonder about it, since in the end, you really can't choose how long you live. But is it better to be the last to go, and follow the lives of the younger generations? Is it good to be the one who tells the stories about all the people and places that are long gone? Is it possible to be happy, if that ends up being your lot? 

Normal-day randomness

Random fact: Today is Norman Rockwell's 116th birthday. Jim and I have been to his museum and studio in Stockbridge, Mass. (in Western Mass., closer to Albany than Boston). I remember that we went there while I was in law school, and it was in the fall. I needed a break from the books, and this was an easy road trip. While we were there, we saw a special traveling exhibit of all his work that was quite amazing. The town of Stockbridge is also quite beautiful, and his studio overlooks rolling hills, which were especially beautiful while we were there, with the changing colors.  I remember looking out over the hills and being amazed that this place was only a couple of hours from our house.  I thought that we'd come again soon, but that was 8 or 9 years ago now.

Today Annie and I met a friend for lunch at the Channel Cafe in the Fort Point section of Boston. This is sort of an artsy area of Boston, with old warehouses that have been turned into art studios and condos. The cafe is owned by an artist and feels very trendy - it is well decorated and the architecture of the building is interesting. The food is great, and Annie got to try some of the tuna that was in my salad. It was mixed with lemon juice and capers and I'm not surprised that she liked it! I need to make tuna like that, especially since I have so many lemons on my tree that I'm not sure what to do with them all.

Later, Annie and I went grocery shopping and literally ran into all of our neighbors! Cathy, who used to live next to us and whose son and family now are our next-door neighbors, Larry, from directly across the street, and Sarah, who lives across the street and down a couple of houses (and who was on the phone with Cathy's daughter-in-law as we were all talking!). They were all at the store at the same time as me. Then I ran into this man that I used to walk by on my way to the T stop, back when I took the T to work and had time to walk to the T station. It felt very small-town.

Now Annie is in bed and we've had a pretty typical evening - we had leftovers, watched an episode of NCIS, and now Jim is working on his homework. Time for some reading and my warm flannel sheets!

The Accent

Here's a cute segment on the Boston accent from the Boston Globe:
http://www.boston.com/travel/boston/multimedia/boston_accent_audio/

I still have my Buffalo accent. Jim's sort of on the fence. Some people were joking at our party last week that Jim and I were the only ones who didn't have the Boston accent. Very true.

On blogs, Cape Cod, and play dates.

Of late, I've been wondering the point of this blog. Sure, it's a great place to post photos, but you all can look at all my photos on Flickr. I post photos usually once a week at least. You need to sign up for a free account and "friend" me in order to view them.  I think most of the people who read this blog already have a Flickr account. 

A blog is a great place to keep everyone updated about happenings in our life, but a) we don't really have anything all that important to report and b) I'm still in the dark about the happenings in everyone else's life. I think that the point of e-mails and letters is that it's a two-way thing. You give a little, you get a little. This blog is very much a one-way street.  I guess in the end, the main reason to have a blog is to force myself to record things, so that I can look back and remember them. I'm not so good at keeping a journal, and for some reason, blogging is a little more fun than a journal. And it takes up less space.

This week, I went to a training in Barnstable County, which is in Cape Cod, on the part of the cape that is closest to Boston. I drove down with my new boss and observed her doing the training since I will be doing these trainings quite soon. Later, she took me out to dinner. It was a pretty good day; it was nice to get out of the office and see the fall colors.

Today I'm home and this afternoon I'm going to a "play date" at the home of one of the moms that I met through one of the moms' groups I did this summer. Her son is 3 days younger than Annie and the other babies attending are all within about 2 weeks of Annie's age.  It's funny because when I had Annie, I heard of other mothers doing play dates, and I wondered how they would even get involved in such things. How do you get invited to a play date? And did I even want to go to something like a play date? I was certain that I would never figure it out. But lo and behold, I'm going to one, and I've actually been looking forward to it all week. It is really fun, and very reassuring, to hang out with moms who have babies that are the same age as Annie. It is also really fun to see all the babies get bigger and learn new things. Annie is wearing a new pink dress and brown leggings for the occasion. :)

The Good and the Bad

The Good:

• I have a beautiful, healthy family, and two bad but loving cats.
• I have a car that runs, despite it having well over 100,000 miles on it.
• Annie and I had a really nice week with Grandma Kogler here. We miss her.
• The weather is still relatively warm. The sunshine is golden.
• The furnace works in our house.
• Everyone at my new job is amazingly nice and welcoming and they even had a birthday cake for me yesterday, on my first day on the job!
• I'm having more cake tonight: carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, courtesy of my mother-in-law with assistance from Annie. 
• Tomorrow is my day off.
• This weekend we're going to Lake George, and I'll see Laurie and my mom. And Annie gets to go on her first vacation!
  

The Bad:

• When Jim asked me today what I would like my hypothetical office window to look out on (it's hypothethical because I don't have a window), I said Winthrop Square. I miss my old job. He bought me a large, framed photograph of sunflowers for my birthday. That's pretty nice too. But I still miss my old window at my old office. And a lot of other things at my old office.
• I'm going to miss my dad at Lake George.
  
• I don't recognize my life any more.
  

Thoughts

I've noticed that blogging is much easier in bullet points. :)

But first, a big "Happy Anniversary" to A.Fuss and Rob who are celebrating 3 years of marriage today! Have 3 years really gone by since the wedding??

Some thoughts about today:

1) Our neighbor with the very loud scooter who rides up and down our street all day, every day is driving me crazy! Really, doesn't he have anything better to do? Has he not discovered Facebook yet? :)

2) The daycare drop-off/pick-up test run was not as bad as I thought it would be. I only cried a little. We went out for breakfast at Early American, which we hadn't been to in years. Everything was totally the same there, of course (that's why my dad liked it so much, I think). When we came back, Annika was still awake, looking around at everything. We brought her home and she took a nap. The real thing starts Tuesday. That will be harder.

3) We had our second car-seat diaper blowout last night (the second time this week). We went out for a picnic in Hull and ice cream last night. When I got back in the car from ordering ice cream cones at DQ I picked up on that special diaper blow-out smell. Jim couldn't smell it. We quickly drove home, hoping it stayed in Annie's pants. But when I looked in the back window, I could see it all over the car seat. Apparently, Jim had buckled her into the seat in such a way that the diaper did not block the blow-out. Thankfully, it did not run onto the back seat of the car.

We put the car seat cushion in the washer again, which is against the manufacturer's instructions. Apparently you're only supposed to spot-clean the cushion. But seriously, how does one properly "spot-clean" a car seat that has been soiled in that way? Last time, the cushion was soaked all the way through. Anyway, it seems to do fine in the washer, and Jim has figured out to reassemble it into the car seat. For safety reasons, you're not supposed to put any sort of pad in between the baby and the car seat. So I have a feeling the cushion will see many more washings over the next 6-8 months that we use the seat.

Looking forward to the weekend!

Randomness

Some thoughts for the evening:

1) When I sang Annika her "good night" song, she was trying to sing along with her goo's. She was totally imitating me. It was really cute. Sometimes I feel bad putting her to bed when she's so smiley.

2) For some reason, everyone thinks our anniversary was yesterday or today.

3) After Annika had a major diaper blowout last night on one of my friend's laps, we are into the size 2 diapers. But I only bought one package. I think we'll be buying the 2-3 sized diapers next time. From now on, I'm going to be more conservative about the amount of diapers I buy in each size. That's the big trade-off with buying in bulk. Your timing has to be perfect, or else you're stuck with a lot of extra.

4) What is it with cell phones and annoying commercials? Between The Verizon Network and AT&T's milky minutes, they drive me crazy. And then there are Verizon's ads for Fios when Fios isn't even available in this area! What? But the recent Prius ads are awesome.

5) "More To Love" is perhaps one of the most painful television shows to watch that I've seen in a long time. I wonder if they'll get any viewers once "So You Think You Can Dance" is finished for the season?

Fredy Zepeda

This story in the Boston Globe has really gotten me down today:
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/02/slain_immigrant_brought_home_to_guatemala_his_final_resting_place/

A Guatemalan immigrant named Fredy Zepeda was killed in a hit-and-run accident outside of his house 2 weeks ago. His family raised the money to send his body home to Guatemala and the burial happened recently. Zepeda had left Guatemala in 1998, leaving behind a 9-month-old baby. His son, who is 11 now, met his father for the first time in the coffin. Zepeda could not return to Guatemala sooner because he did not have any immigration status in the U.S. Under the current immigration laws, if you are in the U.S. without status for over a year and you later leave, you are not allowed to come back for 10 years. So a lot of immigrants get here, fall out of status, and then are stuck. In Zepeda's case, his wife and 1-year-old son lived here. His older son was in Guatemala. So either way, Zepeda was separated from immediate family.

Although I never met him, this guy could have been my client. Or he could've been someone I met during a consultation. I do a lot of consultations for people for whom there is absolutely nothing I can do to help them. In Zepeda's case, it wouldn't have mattered that one of his kids was a U.S. Citizen. You can't gain legal status through a child until the child becomes an adult. And even then, if you entered the U.S. illegally (ie: sneaking across the border), it is almost impossible for you to ever gain legal status in the U.S., even if you have U.S. Citizen relatives.

There are lots of people who come to the U.S. to work because it's the only way they can support their families back in Central America. I don't agree with his decision to leave his son back in Guatemala, but a lot of people think they have no choice. What's going to become of his kids now? They have pictures that show where Zepeda's father lived. The poverty in Guatemala is just horrible.

I don't think that the U.S. should encourage illegal immigration, people sneaking across the border and such. But don't we want people like Zepeda to be here? He worked as a dry-wall hanger. That's hard work. He was killed as he was strapping his son into a car seat. There really needs to be some way for people like Zepeda, hard-working people with established lives in the U.S., to gain legal status in the U.S. It is just heart-breaking that he returned to Guatemala in a coffin.

Observations about the week

1) It's raining. Again. I haven't had to water my garden all summer. Of course, my garden has been crappy this year too. :) Jim was going to go sailing tonight with Nate, but he can sail right down our street. I've never seen lawns so green at the end of July like they are this year.

2) I just bought the new edition of Baby Bargains. It's pretty cool. It's oddly fun to read the sections about items that I've already purchased and think about whether I agree with their advice or not, to give some perspective on their advice for items I still need to purchase. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't. It's amazing how 4 months ago I had no clue. And just for the record, they now think that the Diaper Champ sucks too, for just the same reasons that we hated it.

3) I'm really glad I figured out the Baby Bjorn. It's cool and Annie really likes it, now that she can handle facing outwards. I put her in that, and as long as I'm not sitting down, she is happy as a clam. (For some reason, she doesn't like being in it when I'm sitting down). Yesterday, I went out to talk to the neighbors and I put her in it after several hours of crankiness. She settled down and was smiling at all the neighbors. They didn't believe that she could ever be cranky. So basically, Annie was trying to make the neighbors think I was a big fat liar. :)

4) I'm spending a fortune on going out to lunch. But I love it and it keeps me sane.

5) My mom and sister are on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation to Alaska. I wish I was on vacation too. Any vacation would do. Doesn't have to be once-in-a-lifetime.

6) Annie hates it when she gets the hiccups. I wish I knew how to get rid of them. I can't have her try all the standard remedies - drinking out of the wrong side of a cup doesn't work for babies, and it's not nice to sneak up and startle a baby.

7) What's up with the horrible music they have for infant items (like the Pack-N-Play or the nip-and-nap)? The songs themselves aren't bad, but they sound horrible! I swear that the lullaby in the Pack N Play is off key and the melody and harmony are completely out of sync. The variety of songs in the nip-and-nap are just trippy and primitive. I think the people that come up with the music variations for these things must be taking a lot of drugs. Oh, wait, they're probably the same people who write the assembly directions for these items.

8) Our 10-year wedding anniversary is next week. Sometimes I can't believe it's been ten years, until I think about all that has happened since then, and then it feels perfectly right that it's been that long.

9) We are planning a trip to Buffalo for the end of August. Then we probably won't be back for a while.

10) I have a job interview next week.

11) I'm an Isis junkie.

12) I just bought David McCullough's 1776. It looks good. I need something good to read. The current book I'm reading is too preachy.

Maternity leave and beyond

I think it might be the uncertainty of it all: the fact that life has changed completely as I know it and I don't know what happens next. And the lack of sleep doesn't help.

Maternity leave has not been easy for me. Before Annie arrived, I had a job that I usually liked, a lot of structure in my life, and I knew who I was. I spent my days doing things at work, such as going to court, filling out applications, talking to clients, answering phone calls and e-mails relating to work, interacting with co-workers and other lawyers, and spending a lot of time in downtown Boston. The structure of my life was constructed externally - my days were filled with deadlines and appointments. On the weekends, I got to rest, hang out with Jim, run errands, have dinner with friends. My goal in life was to change the world, even in a small way; to make life better for other people. I felt that I really could do this in my profession, and that in a lot of ways, I already had.

All of that went away quite suddenly. One day, I was working and going to court, and the next day I had a baby. Sure, I had about 8 months to prepare, but I thought I had another month left. Maybe I never would have felt prepared, even if Annie hadn't come so suddenly.

My coworkers and bosses stepped in and covered all my hearings, deadlines, etc. that I had left at work. I had made a case status list and they were able to pick things up fairly easily, I think. But, of course, now they've assumed control of my cases and they don't need me any more. From the looks of it, I will not have a job there in September, when I had hoped to return to work. The economy has hit our firm very badly, and they already had lay-offs earlier this year. They even cut everyone's hours back by a day starting at the beginning of the year. I find it unfair that they
have chosen to bring back some of the paralegals full-time, but are likely going to lay me off. I should be allowed to have a maternity leave without fearing that I'm putting my job in jeopardy by taking one, especially since I was bringing in more than enough revenue to cover my income and other overhead. But the truth is that they don't have any money, and I'm an easy person to lay off since they've already adjusted to my absence.

I am applying for other jobs, but all of this, coupled with motherhood, have left a lot of questions open. Who am I? Where do I belong in this world? What is important in life? I'm not used to being at home, controlling my own schedule. Sure, we all fantasize about having more free time, but now that I have some free time, I'm often at a loss for what to do with it.

For many years, I have loved living in Boston. Lately, I have been so homesick for Buffalo and family. I'm sad that Annie will never really get to know them beyond rushed visits a few times a year. I'm overwhelmed that Jim and I will be completely and solely responsible for parenting Annie, with very little input from our families.

My goal in life, to make life better for other people, remains the same, except there's a second goal too: to make sure my daughter has the best life possible. Sometimes I worry that these two goals are in conflict. If I have a job (and who knows - maybe something will work out in September), I have to put her in day care. We have found a great day care, but it is going to hurt to have to leave her there. On the other hand, I don't think she will have the best life possible if I stay at home with her all the time. I suppose that eventually I would get better at creating structure to my days, but I'm really not very good at it, and I'm sad a lot of the time. I think Annie needs a mom who is happy and involved with the world. I feel that a good role model is one who fights to meet my first goal, to make life better for other people. I want to be that role model.

The question now, of course, is what the future holds for me. Will I have a job in September? Will I be getting more sleep then, enabling me to think more clearly than I am right now? Will life ever feel "normal" again? Will I ever resolve the conflict between wanting to be close to family and wanting to live in a great city, have a great career, and have a life for myself that is of my own making and not dependent on family?

Graduation

Fifteen years ago today, I graduated from high school. (Jim's graduation happened 15 years ago tomorrow).

Unfortunately, I missed my high school reunion because of all the stuff going on with Annie's birth. Jim's reunion is next weekend, I think, but he doesn't have any interest in going. Actually, I would be very interested in going to his reunion, since I had a good number of friends who went to his high school. But c'est la vie. The trip to Buffalo is pretty long to be doing it more than once a month.

It's kind of amazing to think about how different life was then. That summer, I was living with my parents in Buffalo, working as a bank teller, and looking forward to college in Washington in the fall. I had never set foot in the state of Massachusetts. My sister was living in another state, Jim was dating someone else, and I hadn't even met most of the people who are my closest friends now. By contrast, I haven't talked to the people who were my closest friends then (my next-door neighbors, who I grew up with) in many years.

In the grand scheme of things, 15 years really isn't that long of a time. Well, maybe it is. It's half a lifetime ago. But I suppose that when I'm 90, 15 years won't seem that long. Are the 15 years that include your late teens and your 20's more formative and transforming than any other period in one's life? I would think not, given the amount of change that happens between one's birth and age 15. Perhaps they are merely indicative of how much one's life changes over time. But then what will my life look like 15 years from today?